25 and more…

It's been a minute!

Wow! Where do I begin?

For starters, I'm in Mumbai, India, for as long as my mind wishes to. Never thought I'd admit how comfortable I am in my home country, but again, do I have the privilege, at 25, to be comfortable? No. I need to hustle, right? This is the most crucial period. If I don't make it now, in perhaps the next five years, it's over for me!!! Dreadful, right? Anyway, dealing with these thoughts alone in London took a toll on my mental health, and it was best for me to just move back temporarily.

I'd always belived in the concept of "your pre-frontal cortex developing at 25". Basically, at 25, you stop making dumb decisions that you'd otherwise make in the your teens or early-twenties. Around turning 24, I noticed a subtle shift in the way I perceived the world! I stopped giving a shit about office drama, cut off toxic friendships, spent more time going on solo coffee dates, took interest in grandma activities like knitting, organising my room, changing sheets every week, cooking fresh meals and most of all, my perception of men changed. I was no longer thrilled by the idea of "falling in love", "finding the right partner", "getting butterflies", etc.

But wait, it's not all flowery! What I didn't see coming was the crushing quarter-life crisis! I don't know if it's a magical, over-night shift, but since I turned 25 last November, I have not had more than two peaceful weeks at a stretch. I can't seem to comprehend if this is how it's meant to be, because our parents sure had it different. At my age, my mum was pregnant with me, and my dad was running a business, not to mention the strong sense of community they had back then. I can't tell whether it's just GenZ or every generation has faced this period of upheavel in their mid-twenties.

I'm perpetually in a rush to get somewhere. Where exactly? I have no clue. But I just keep skedaddling from one point to another. God forbid life starts to feel normal and less chaotic, I tell myself "This is not okay. You can't get comfortable. This is not the age to feel stable. Move, explore, discover yourself. Find your purpose. Find out what you want in life". And the only way to curb these emotions is by telling myself that I am in absolutely no rush. I will take the scenic route!!

Perhaps, this is how it's meant to be. We'll never know. And perhaps, the only way to navigate through this phase is by not ruminating about "what is life", "who am I", "what's my purpose here", and finding peace in the little things. It's always in the little things — catching up with friends over coffee, spending time with my parents, having brain rot conversations with my sister, and of course, being chronically online!!

Parents give the most unhinged response to anxiety… I had a friend over who showed up uninvited. He asked me if everything was fine and whether I was enjoying life, to which I retorted, "I don't think too much into it!" And my mum, after he left, said "Sure, says the person who doesn't sleep all night and almost throws up from anxiety!" 😭