It's not easy...

Life is not easy. Lately, I've been contemplating my entire existence. I don't get a lot of things in life. Why are we here? What's the purpose? Why should we struggle when at the end of the day everyone's going to do die? Why? Too many "whys," and way less enthusiasm to live.

I was never this way. I guess covid took a toll on my mental health completely!! When I tell people how drastically I have been affected by covid, they tell me to move on, but I ask HOW? Often times, people have tons of advice for you, but no one really gives a fool-proof solution. How do I change the way I'm feeling? I guess I don't want to, because I believe I am entitled to live life on my terms rather than how I am expected to.

I have genuine issues with how things have been normalized by us humans:

"You can succeed only if you struggle," this is the most idiotic, insane, and preposterous idea that has been invoked in humans, and it drives me up the wall. I haven't met one person (except my sister) who is bold enough to live life unconventionally. I have mad respect for people who work hard to achieve their dreams, but I can't spend my twenties struggling and paying off student debt just so I can move to another country.

Things have never been easy in my life. Those who know me well would tell how much I have struggled holistically in life, and at this point I feel I've experienced my part of struggle and it's time for miracles. I'm 22, unhappy, depressed, anxious, single, financially dependent on my father, living with a benign tumor in my right ovary, and planning to take a student loan to move countries. I mean, where does it stop? I am not complaining, but where is the freedom? Where is the excitement to live? Where is the happiness that we all deserve?

When I tell people how disgusted I feel at how things are in life, they tell me, and I quote "But that's how life is!" NO IT ISN'T. STOP CONFORMING TO THIS LIFESTYLE! This is not life. What quality of life are we even talking about when someone works 9-5, perhaps the entire day, to earn money, but isn't happy in life? It scares the life out of me to know that I might have to live the life everyone is; I can't, and I won't.

Just today, I was reading a career coach's Instagram QnA, wherein somebody asked for an easy way to land a job in a foreign country without any hassle, and they responded, "If that's the goal, stay in your home country. Nothing is easy. Nothing should be easy. You work hard. You struggle. You fail a thousand time, and finally, you win once" WHAT EVEN IS THIS???? What about the time you spend struggling to have a secure future, may be, in your forties. What about those years in your twenties and thirties that you spent just struggling and crying and hoping for a bright future?? It's just too overwhelming. The thought of having to conform gives me the ick and legit anxiety!! And the crazier part is when you confront such people and they go "Yeah, I struggled a lot, but that phase taught me so much in life, and that made me the person I am today." Humans evolve, change, and grow, but that doesn't mean you should beat yourself up in order to succeed. The idea of success in so distorted! (Shaking my head)

I'm not sure if this is a Gen Z thing, but at least I'm proud of my perspective, and I shall not soar below my dreams for anyone or any circumstance. I may not move to the states this year, it's alright; I don't want to do that at the cost of my mental health, happiness, or my parents' health; they too have struggled a lot, anyway a lot of people are after their happiness and freedom. I'd rather find my dream job of a stylist here in India, and pave my way up in the future!!

For those who are reading this and resonate with it, let me tell you, you are not alone. It doesn't matter how people perceive you or how much your approach in life irks them, you do you. Choose to not settle for anything less than your dream. My sister always tells me "Babe, don't ever settle for the bare minimum." On this note, live, breathe, laugh, appreciate things, and mainly be bold enough to live an extraordinarily peculiar life.