Life of a "Hypochondriac"

"A person who is abnormally anxious about their health," this is how google describes a person with hypochondria, and believe me, it's far more intimidating, mentally disturbing, and gut wrenching.

For the past couple months life has been pretty rough. My childhood traumas resurfaced, I developed anxiety, I distanced myself from the very few friends I thought I had, and become a hypochondriac!! It's way more scary than it sounds. I didn't have the slightest hint of what was going on or why I was feeling paranoid about my health, and that made things worse and complicated!

It all started when I contracted covid in December 2021. Although I may have physically recovered from it, emotionally I'm still struggling. I usually am unfazed by the inconveniences life throws at me, but this was different; it wasn't normal. Everything I thought of myself felt untrue, I lost a touch of who I was; and this still persists. Gradually, all the emotions that were suppressed right from a young age came to the surface and hit me like a truck! Anxiety sky rocketed, fears took over my mind, and all I did the entire day was ponder and overthink to a point where I felt I was going to die!

In almost every blog I've written this year I have invariably mentioned "It's not easy," because it's truly not. The biggest struggle in life is not making money or any materialistic gain, but in fact controlling your mind. I don't remember the last time I felt happy from within. And to add to the misery, I have had people (family members, to be specific) who have blatantly said to me, "there's no such thing as mental health. Just be happy."

I'm clueless as to where this has stemmed from or what triggered my fears. I have spent days just crying, bawling, and sobbing just at the thought of death. A light headache makes me think I have brain tumour, sore throat is exaggerated to throat cancer, and minor chest pain into a heart attack! These sound extremely negative and absurd, but trust me it is uncontrollable; ask a hypochondriac and they'll tell you. They have as normal a demeanour but mind infiltrated with fear, anxiety, and endless thoughts.

I haven't found a solution to this yet, and many readers might even question why I write blogs if I don't have rational answers. My motive behind getting it out in public is to ensure that readers don't feel alienated if they're going through something similar, and can take a sigh of relief by seeing that they're not alone, and that one day there's going to be a fool-proof solution to this drama and mess!