My take on spirituality

I grew up in a spiritual household with my mom being a tarot and astrology aficionado and my father having a on-off belief in the same. I'd be remiss if I didn't mention the number of tarot readers my mum has been to over the past 15 years- MILLIONS! Oh, and had she saved the money that was spent on them, she would be a millionaire by now. I'm not saying it's irrational or dumb to see psychics, but is there no limit?

The thing about spirituality is that it's intricate yet straightforward provided you align yourself well and eliminate the unnecessary nonsense in life, but humans are complicated. I was the "perfect" kid to my parents and so whatever they did or said was the ultimate right thing for me. If my mom told me you'll die if you eat too many chocolates, I'd absolutely believe it . If my dad told me that I'd succeed only if I followed his footsteps, I'd blindly do it! (These are hypothetical situations). So, thanks to them I starting believing in tarot readings and astrology from my teenage days. At any minor inconvenience, my mother would call her tarot readers and seek validation, this in turn made her extremely fearful in life. When I think about it, it's not totally her fault; may be she too grew up in that environment and unfortunately, it passed on to us.

It was never easy to break this pattern, and some part of me always knew that people have turned spirituality into business; a business of invoking fear. Apparently, healers, astrologers, and psychic mediums seem to know everything about higher dimensions and act like they are the only ones that hold the divine power of connecting with the universe- this may or may not be true, and I am no one to decide, but I have realized that I will not allow them to dictate my life or keep me trapped in irrational fears.

Trust me when I say this: "I AM A FIRM BELIEVER OF ENERGIES, VIBRATIONS, and SPIRITUALITY." It's almost sad how people have made it a money-making business. The whole idea is to help people realize their supernatural powers by merely looking inward. I know so many healers who in the name of "healing," "protection," "cord cutting" charge a fortune, and those bound by fear willingly pay them. THIS IS NOT SPIRITUALITY. Nobody can heal you but yourself, for nobody will ever know you better than your own self.

It was in October 2020 when one of my mum's tarot readers offered me to learn reiki Level 1 and 2. I ended up learning it, and undoubtedly, it was a magical experience. I gradually learned the latent power I possessed, it was surreal, mind boggling, and an unbelievable experience. I practiced it for about 2 years, although I didn't take up clients. With the kind of progress I saw in myself during this time, I was adamant about learning the master level in September 2021; however, something or the other always got in the way. Early this year, around end of march, I finally learned the master level, and where do I start!!!!! It was pure MAGIC. I don't want to overshare, but all I can say is I sure am here to help and heal people immensely. What I experienced during the attunement (a process carried out by teachers of spirituality to get you in tune with the universe) is still fresh in my mind and can't be articulated well in words.

As exciting and fancy it sounds, the self healing phase was tough as shit! Self healing is a 21-day time frame where the student has to practice reiki healing on themselves before being able to heal others using the master symbol. It is expected to be done only in a certain way which takes almost an hour. Before I got into self healing, I had a gut feeling that the universe was asking me to relax this time and allow the universe to heal me instead, basically, I was not expected to do anything and let things unfold automatically for the next 21 days. When I mentioned this to my guru, she said "That's not how it's done. There are certain rules that you need to follow. Eventhough the universe will help you, you have to heal yourself on your own!!" As I mentioned, I have always been this discipline student who politely follows whatever has been asked of me, so I, like a good student, invalidated my idea of the universe healing me, and stuck with what my guru said. I started self healing the very next day, but things didn't turn out as planned. The second day I experienced excruciating pain in the left side of my chest, followed by pain in left arm, and slight dizziness. I was scared to death. I assumed several scenarios, one of which being a "heart attack." Yeah, for real, a freaking heart attack. I took a break from healing thinking the pain might have occurred due to twisting of my arms during the healing procedure. Again, after a week I commenced the 21-day ritual, and yet again I felt same exact pain; this time more tormenting!

Second time was no coincidence, so I called up my healer and explained the situation. She fixated on "THERE'S LOT OF NEGATIVITY IN AND AROUND YOU." Although I respect her immensely and she is my spiritual guru, when she repeatedly kept saying this I stopped believing my powers, I paid enough attention to her "negativity" concept so as to have accepted and inculcated it into my life. My days were not normal anymore. I was simply surviving. Hit with anxiety and fears, I stopped functioning fine and slipped into depression (though wasn't professionally diagnosed), or I felt depressed. My mother got in touch with several other tarot professionals and astrologers about my overall health, and they all said the same shit: NEGATIVITY!

I was absolutely done with this shit, and decided to fuck everybody's perception and follow my intuition. I began self healing for the third time on May 8 with complete faith in myself and hell lot of optimism. I left everything in god and universe's hands. I never did the 1-hour tedious, uncomfortable healing; every night before sleeping I only prayed to god, universe, and my grandmother (naniji) to heal me from any energy that is not mine. As I write this blog, it is the last day of my 21-day healing process, and I am super duper proud of myself. When I look back I realize it was universe's way of teaching me to trust myself more, regardless of whatever anyone says. Everybody is here with unique gifts, and spirituality is such a varied concept that everyone is bound to have different experiences. Yes, there can be similar experiences, coincidences, but no one person carves the exact same spiritual path as someone else. My chest pain has reduced, but I still get anxiety attacks. As I write, my left arm is still hurting but we need to understand that it is a journey, not an overnight transformation. Completing the 21-day process is just a small part of my journey, this doesn't mean I am fully out of negativity, but I am trying.

The purpose of writing such a candid blog was to make people understand their value and inherent power. I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again, “WE ARE SPIRITUAL BEINGS EXPERIENCING HUMAN LIFE AND NOT THE OTHER WAY ROUND.”

To anyone to struggling in life, in general, it’s okay. You are fine and you will get out of it soon, for everything is temporary!!

P.S. I want to express my heartfelt gratitude to my sister and best friend for being by my side throughout.